A Bittersweet Christmas

"Be still and know that I am God." - Psalm 46:10

About a year and half ago, right when I was coming back from Africa, my sweet mom was diagnosed with colon cancer. After about 6 months of treatment, she was unofficially cancer free and in remission. At her three month check up this last July, we were hit with the news that her cancer was back and stronger than before, this time on her liver. She went to see specialists in Texas to decide if there was anyway to remove the cancer via surgery. The answer was no. She came back to Albuquerque to start chemo treatments again in order to hopefully shrink the new tumor enough to surgically remove. As we all prayed and begged the Lord to heal my mom from this exhausting and often painful sickness and treatment, the Lord quietly and gently said no. In October, the doctors changed her chemo treatments in an attempt to buy her more time rather than rid her of the cancer that was not responding to the original treatment. The doctors thought that she had maybe two months or so left with us here.

The new treatment did what it was supposed, putting a sort of leash on the cancer. It was still progressing but much much slower than it would without the treatment. We prayed and prayed that this treatment would be less trying with it's side effects than the last and that my mom would make it to my brother's wedding on December 17th.

She did. It was a beautiful day. She LOVED seeing my brother and his new wife get married, despite being the weakest she'd been during the last year and a half. The Lord was gracious giving her enough energy to painlessly make it through the gorgeous ceremony and reception. Unfortunately, over the next two days she became more sick and was in more pain than she'd ever been in since the diagnosis and treatments. Monday morning (December 19th) she was back at the hospital where her very sympathetic but realistic doctor told us we were down to 2-3 days probably. As devastating as that news was to my family and me, she was ready and she told us so. Her faith was amazing. She told us that in all the time she'd spent talking with the Lord about her sickness and asking for healing and relief from the pain, she felt like He'd very clearly told her that He was going to bring her home from this not heal her of it.

That same Monday, my mom was sent home from the hospital and the next day we started her at home hospice care, where she would be cared for and her pain would be managed in the comfort of my parents' home with all of us around her. My precious, selfless aunt (my mom's sister) stayed after my brother's wedding to help with whatever we or my mom needed. What a blessing she was to all of us!

Each day last week, my beautiful mama was getting worse and worse, but passed the 2 and 3 day mark. We were so comforted by the graciousness and empathy that my mom's sweet hospice nurse showed us. Assuring us that while it may seem different, we were giving her enough pain medication to ensure that she was comfortable and completely pain free. What a relief and comfort that was for my family and me.

The afternoon of Christmas day, my mom went to be with Jesus. With my brother, sisters, dad, aunt and myself gathered around her bed, she breathed her last and the Lord took her home. While my heart is broken at the absense of my mom here with me know, I'm overjoyed and rejoicing with her as she's been welcomed into heaven by her Savior. No more pain, no more sickness, and no more tears for her ever again. What a beautiful gift, that the Lord would take her home to be with Him the day that we celebrate Him giving us Jesus. We are grieving the loss of a mom, a wife, a sister, a daughter, and a friend, know that we are so so comforted by the fact that we know exactly where she is and that she is doing better than she ever has. We are so thankful that she was able to be at my wedding and my brother's wedding, and celebrate both those days with us.

"When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying is written will come true: 'Death has been swallowed up in victory.' 'Where, oh death, is your victory? Where, oh death, is your sting?'" - 2 Corinthians 15:54-55